Eid Adha & Thanksgiving unite

Salam Eid ul Adha & Happy Thanksgiving ! =)

This year, we celebrate Eid ul Adha and Thanksgiving in the same week, selang sehari je…kalo ikutkan the same day jugak la. Coz kebiasaannya Thanksgiving ‘the big feast among American’ 4th Thursday of November every year. Dan tahun ni kita sambut Aidil Adha atau Hari Raya Korban pada hr Jumaatnya. What a blessing week! semoga pengorbanan yg kita lakukan di bawah lembayungNya n sama2 la kita bersyukur dan menghargai apa yg kita ada selama ini. Alhamdulillah.

So, utk mindfulness activity, apa kata ambil masa dalam 5 ke 10 minit, berfikir sejenak dan reka akronim dari perkataan 'Thankful' or 'Aidil Adha', yg ade kaitan dgn nya. terpulang pada kreativiti @ macamana gayanya anda nak lakukan. samaada reka sajak, foods, or just write down 'things that I should be thankful for'. macam yg telah saya lakukan di bawah:

T : Thank you Allah, for giving me another day to appreciates this world.
H : Home is a sweetest place to be.
A : A good friend is everlasting.
N : No regrets for what I have done, it is learning experiences.
K : Keep it short and simple as I can.
F : Forgiveness is a journey into my faith.
U : U never know what U will come across till you searching your own infinite possibilities.
L : Life is Beautiful !

bosan2 atau tak tahu nak buat apa, please take time to do it, it would be interesting to see what's will come out! selamat mencuba! :)

U guys make my day! thanks =)

A : A lion, a bear and a pig are sitting around discussing how hard they each are. The lion says "when I roar the whole jungle shakes". The bear says "when I roar the whole forest trembles". "So what", says the pig, "all I have to do is sneeze and the whole fucking world shit's itself"!!

Z : hahahaa
T : i dont get it
A :swine flu!!
T :but technically, it's not all the pig's fault.
A :sis T, Why do seagulls live near the sea?
T :so they can watch women in bikinis?
A :coz if the live near the bay, the would be bay-gull (bagels)
T :now THAT's funny! lol
C :hahahaaa :))
A :a wise man once told me 'dont go to bed angry' since then, ive been cracking on jokes b4 i go to sleep...LOL right ?
C :u guys make my day! thanks :)
A :glad to help sister!

Lose, lost & found...

Lately, I can’t concentrate at all! I lost focus and my composure. I knew something bothers me and it keep going on in my mind, ruminating over and over again. It really affects me. I weight myself, guess what? I lose 10lbs in just 2weeks! Before this, I jaga makan n exercise pon in 2months baru lose the same amount. Plus, I was sick last week, lagi la reduce my appetites. I can sense my pants and clothes become bigger. I think I need a belt too. Which, I don’t like to wear belt. Semua dah mengecik, terasa diri dah x seksi, (bole plak piker ke ctu’) hahahaa =)) Candy2,..isk..iskk.. indirectly, dlm hati, gembira gak bcoz xperlu wat ape, dah susut. Makan apa pon rasa cam x best, n asyik pg tandas je…diarrhea. Teringat kt my frenz sorang ni, everytime die start talking with me, musti excuse pg toilet. Kkdg myampah je malas nak layan lain kali. Tapi as a frenz, I layan jugak la kan. Kena la support n paham, xtau bila time kita tiba nanti, myb we’ll need them. macam tu la I pikir. Bila teringat, xsangka it happen to me right now. Lost appetites & pg tandas je kejanya…mmg x best langsung! Terrible! I hate to be in this position! I’m just hoping I can talk and share with my frenz. Sembang kosong, layan je sy ni yg kkdg mgarut ntah apa2…it do help me to get over it. I missed that moment. I lost the friendship. My guess, probably die has a good reason to avoid me. I didn’t blame die. Nope...not at all. For my own benefit, it’s better to be silent. entah la, myb this is just my ‘all or nothing thought’. Adat la org dlm grieving stage, macam2 pkara difikirkan, dari A ke Z, walhal xde apa pon. It’s not a big deals right? At this moment, I just felt I lost the meaning of friendship. I’m just hoping the day will come & we’ll get back together, sharing & laughing as a good friend, no matter what had happened before =) But, I knew I found Him…I got Him…the One and Only that I can depend to, turn to…always be with me no matter who, how, what, why, when…I am,… He is the One that give me courage and strength to go through this life. Hanya padaMu, aku beserah…

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful
“Tiada Tuhan (yang dapat menolong) melainkan Engkau (Ya Allah), Maha Suci (daripada melakukan aniaya, tolonglah daku). Sesungguhnya aku adalah dari orang-orang yang menganiaya diri sendiri. Ya Allah, sesungguhnya aku mohon kepadaMu hal-hal yang dapat menentukan rahmatMu dan menguatkan pegampunanMu, memperolehi segala kebaikan, menyelamatkan dari kejahatan, memperolehi syurga dan selamat dari api neraka. Ya Allah, sesungguhnya Engkau mendengar ucapanku, melihat tempat tinggalku, mengetahui lahir batinku, dan tidak ada satu urusan pun dari urusanku yang tersembunyi olehMu. Dan aku adalah hamba yang sengsara dan amat memerlukan, hamba yang meminta pertolongan dan yang memohon bantuan, hamba yang penakut, yang minta dikasihani, yang mengakui dan menyatakan semua dosa-dosanya kepadaMu. Ya Allah, aku mohon kepadaMu sebagaimana memintanya si miskin, dan aku berdoa kepadaMu seperti doanya orang berdosa yang amat hina. Aku mohon kepadaMu seperti orang penakut lagi pula buta, juga seperti berdoanya orang yang menundukkan jiwanya, merendahkan raganya dan wajah serta hidungnya kepadaMu. Ya Allah, tabahkan la hati hambaMu ini… ameen.”

Exposure to Human Sexuality...(1)

Eeeemmmm…, where should I start? I would like to begin by recall on my first day when I receive the ‘Understanding Human Sexuality’ book in my mailbox. I never think triple when I want to buy a book. But this time, I think about it more than 10 times! My friend that already took the class told me, she sold back the book. It is because she feeling uncomfortable if the book still in her house, and if her kids read/saw the book. High probability it is because of its contents and very illustrative pictures! toksah kata la kan, ade gambo teknik buat seks - for heterosexual n homosexuals too !!! nasib bukan real person nye gambo, lukisan. Definitely! I read n go through the book and at the same time saying “Ya Allah, please forgive me”. Don’t get me wrong, I have the guilty feelings if I saw something that I’m not supposed to see or kind of forbidden, I phrase it. I believe it is sinful to do it.

However, from my point of view, it goes back to my intention. How come doctors want to do their job’ right? Got vulnerable side in between here… I want to learn academically and also at the same time know my limitations. In order to achieve it, I must expose myself to “it”. Desensitization? Probably, it is the correct term here. So, it should be OK, to read and saw anything about ‘human sexuality’. Take it as knowledge, it should be fine.

I’m hoping that this class will give me different perspective about human sexuality and how I can apply it or how it would beneficial in my socio-cultural context. Interestingly, while I scan the book, my eyes catch word “Malaysia”. I knew we got issue about sex-oriented business too, but the author wrongly put Macau is in Malaysia. Supposedly Macau is in China (an island beside Hong Kong, famous for tourism).

After watching the documentary entitled “History of Sexuality”, I could conclude that sexuality can’t be separated with human being and really have a huge impact to civilization. Sex @ sexuality doesn’t mean refer to having sex only (relationship between 2 people) but it is more than that. I never thought that USA used to be close and taboo about sex, long…long time ago. It is a issue for women riding a bike? What???? sebab pakai skirt, n terdedah betis yg puteh melepak tu bila kayuh beskal'..wpon skirt labuh! memang la apa2 pon bole jadi simbol seks and attract men...mnakutkan bile pikir! What captivated me, I can say that ‘sexual education was first being taught in army’ and because of War, everything was changed. From people, culture, lifestyle and etc…to development of nation. Once, I heard that USA lost in Vietnam War, also because of sex. But, I’m not sure how accurate this statement was. However, I could imagine the relationship between it. =) Young powerful guys, beautiful weak girls….eemmm…what should I say more? Ooo la laaa. Could be or couldn’t be. Ooooo Candy, you’re being judgmental!!! Ooops … hahaahaa…

I’m amaze by how Margaret H. Sanger keeps promoting and educate women about birth control and family plan for years and years. Even though, she got difficulties along her way to advocate women’s reproductive rights. I totally agree with her opinion that no child should be unwanted or unloved. If the woman has baby every year, she really will get tired aka burnout? bukan senang ooo, nak mgandung ni n bersalin...kkdg rasa xsanggup nak jadi pompuan ni. huhuuu.. Thus, if the woman is working, they have to take care all the kids, family and others….wow, that’s really a huge…huge job for them. No time for self care. It reminds me to my neighbor, she has eight children (the year gap between children is so close). I can see that “the development” of her children was not in a good stage of development or environment (involved in social problems and etc). Maybe it is just my personal point of view only. I really salute to all moms who can manage all that stuff and at the same time, all the children were in a good hand. Like my mom! =)

Frankly speaking, I’m feeling uncomfortable (shy) seeing all the ‘artifacts, monuments, images and etc’, that showing or reflect the sexual organs. It is kind a weird feeling (traumatized) to see all that all over the place. Eeeeeee….. My mind keep refresh all the images in the first few days…, hard to get it out from my mind. Huhuuu… But I have to admit that “we’re different”, off course, their values or belief not as same like me. Take it as unique lesson to learn. mana tak ye, suma gambo, gambo penis, breasts, nude pics...sama ade real person or statues, drawing...ade satu gambo tu kat Italy, tombol sinki tu bentuk dia exactly rupe 'penis'! giler!!! mmg creative sungguh org2 yg reka ni...artistic sungguh!

note: This series is a part of my journals for my human sexuality class that I attended last summer.

Dead Man Walking.... (part 1)

Have you ever wonder how’s life would be, if you knew that you will die tomorrow??? Have you ever think to be as a spiritual advisor to person whom will be sentenced to death penalty? Do you think life is fair? Do you agree that, person whom killing people, should be punished…die too? Do you believe that people will changes? Is it hard to admit our fault and ask forgiveness? Is there forgiveness to those who’s hurt or harm others? These entire questions, we should ask ourselves, can we be in the same position or not? Are we brave enough as her?

All these been touched in my school theater entitled Dead Man Walking. The screenplay was based on a true story written by Sister Helen Prejean, published in 1994 and made into a major motion picture by Tim Robbins, starring Susan Sarandon. The story chronicles Sister Helen Prejean’s eye-opening journey with two men on Death Row to the execution chamber, and her awakening to the realities of US criminal justice system and use of capital punishment.

Even though, today is my full day. I started my day early in the morning, helping Jester program, done my role play tape, attending wedding ceremony, watch the play’, arrived home almost midnight. What a day! In the beginning, I fall asleep couple times….huhuu.. =P maybe because they were talking fully in southern accent, y’all… I can’t get it, man! Or maybe I’m too tired and sleepy. After a while, trying to keep in track and make sure my eyes are open, my ears listening as big as elephant. I’m awake =) it’s really interesting play to watch and get insight.

It does remind me to my enlighten trips at Pudu Jail, Kuala Lumpur…fifteen years back. I was in my secondary school at that time. I’m still young and full of zeal to explore anything in front of me. For those who didn’t know about the Pudu Jail, I’ll start by introduce the history of Pudu Jail or be known as Pudu Prison. The Pudu Prison was built in 1895 near the heart of Kuala Lumpur, capital city for Malaysia. It is among the historical and haunting building in KL. After more than 100 years stand still, it has been closed and reopened to public as a museum. Today, it operates as a facility for prisoner attending court hearing and as temporary detention center for drug addicts…. To be continue.

Life is full of colors...

Assalamualaikum w.b.t..

It is been a long time I did not wrote any kind of journal or diary. The last time I remember, I planning to create my own blog about my adventures coming to United States. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work yet. Still looking for time to get it done, such another excuses! Huh…. I think we should give credit for the bloggers for their time and effort to write down their thought and sharing their experiences. U guys had done a Great Jobs !!! thumbs up =) I should be thanks to McDouble that ‘ring a bell’ to me about my ‘blog’… siap jadi my first follower lagi untuk motivated aku…. Even though, I didn’t write it yet…zero..ye la…yela,,, weekend ni I mgarang la kalo x busy and ingat… heheee..(ayat 3 hari lepas). So, sempena mghargai die, aku mewajibkan diri utk menulis jugak tinta2 emas, sekapur sirih, ucap alu-aluan bagi sesapa yg rajin mbaca blog aku ni.

Bila dipikir-pikirkan balik la, aku tau pasal menatang “diari @ jurnal aka blog” ni bila aku dlm darjah 4 Amanah. Ingat jugak lagi aku masuk class ape… cekgu class ku Pn. Rofidah Ibrahim la yg memula memperkenalkan diari. X silap aku, kami pakai buku tulis yg harganya dulu 40sen je utk tulis “Diariku”. Xingat aku, tujuan kami kena start tulis diari tu. Yg pastinya, every week, kitaorg kena anta kat cekgu diari tu… xtau la apa yg aku tulis dlm tu. Mybe, pasal cekgu cantik kot, @ bdk class bising giler time cekgu xde… camtu la kot. Oooo… mmg di antara semua cekgu yg ade kt sekolah tu, aku rasa cekgu ni la yang paling cantek. Tapi tegas oooo…, jgn memain. Selepas tu, ade jugakla, aku membeli buku diari yg come’ konon-kononnya…akan start menulis la… tp hampeh…. tetap x abis jugak buku tu, ade la 2 ke 3 kali je aku menulis. Itupun sebab, aku gaduh dgn abg aku smpi mrajuk masuk dlm bilik… mgamuk dan menconteng diari tu… (paham2 aje la apa aku tuliskan)…heheee..tu cite sekolah rendah. Masuk menengah, yg aku ingat, aku bercerita dlm diariku pasal budak yg aku ade la sedikit ‘crush’ n ‘aku n da gang’ terbergurau dgn bdk baru yg masuk class…malu2… ensem plak tu mamat jambu tu. Ingat nak mainkan kawan lain, tup-tup…dia plak yg muncul…naya je kawan. Harapnya, aku start mengarang blog ni, consistent la gamaknya…mudahan.

Pasal diriku, bila org tanya ‘asal mana? Musti aku jawab, budak Key Ell kampong jer…coz aku mmg dlahirkan n dbesarkan d KL, tp start umur aku 16 thn, aku hidup merantau la ke negeri2 lain. Sampai la la ni… aku bangga katakan satu Malaysia aku dah sampai. Skang ni, aku duk menetap sementara kat negara orang, atau lebih tepat lagi, Fort Wayne, Indiana, United States of America. Bila sampai cni, soklan bonus @ yg paling glemer skali org tanya adalah “why do u choose here???.... dari banyak2 town, state yg ade kat US ni. Dah ada skrip dah dlm otak aku utk mjawabnya, repeat n repeat the same song…=)… ooo utk pgetahuan semua, sekolah aku skang ni sekolah yg come je & sejuk je mata memandang, ade tasik lagi…dan yg plg utama “based on Catholic traditions…n I’m the only one international muslim there.

Untuk itu, aku merajinkan diri utk menaip poem by uncle Robert Frost that has/quite influenced me to make up my mind to be a part of USF. Sajak ni kali pertama aku dengar bila cekgu English ku d matriks yg bagi kami baca dan ia muncul kembali apabila aku tgh mensearching info dan terjumpa dalam website Mercy. Semoga korang dapat menghayati makna tersurat n tersirat dlm sajak ni… kalo xpaham, ble la tanya aku nanti2.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for the passing there
Had worn them really about the same

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I…
I took the one less travelled by
And that has made all the difference. ;)

Panjang juga intro aku ni…akhir kalam,

“Open your heart to see, touch, hear, smell, taste and feel the pain, thirst, hunger and last but not least balance your life with spiritual and please do reflect my blog…….. amat di alu-alukan” Wasalam =)

Ps: buat pencinta bahasa, maafkan aku sebab memcampur adukkan bahasa.